21. 1 Pfynger Yn Me Noze, Dhe Odher Yn Me Arse Wydth Me Thumb On Me Clyttorys
I hate going to those damn theatres this time of the year. The afternoon is so cheap, but so goddamn fucking hot. The nights are expensive, hot and full of assholes. So when do i go? At night, of course. Got to spend my money on crap American films. Why? Good question. It's coz i'm a loser baby.
No, it's coz on my free time, my fucking friends always want to do something, i'd like to lay down in bed and sleep, but i guess i have no choice but listen to them.
Friends are cool, but annoying. I hang out with four freaks, and that doesn't include Andi. There's Kevin, Rhichard, Chantale, and Shub.
Kevin's the fag. He's got more partners then i have words in this text file.
Rhichard's a bi arrogant Goth, though i've haven't seen him with anything yet. Rumours are flying about that he sleeps with his dog, i pray that those are only Rumours. But you never know with those Goths.
Xantal's is Shub 'wife', they got married in some bizarre occultic ceremony. Everyone there had to be naked, including the priestess. Both Xantal and the priestess are gorgeous. Actually, that priestess, her name was Laryssa, made a pass at me, and i, well lets just say, in good old street fashion, we banged. I always wanted to say that.
Most married couples are annoying, but they ain't the same as most, they've got this weird open-relationship, and guess what? It's worked for the last four years. Maybe it can happen sometimes, but try to imagine them in another decade.
Yup, well anyway, movies in the 90s are almost as bad as they were in the 80s. I have favourites, but most of 'em are on tapes at home. I've only seen three good movies in the last year, year and half. Let's see, this doesn't include Anime, even if it did i can rarely remember the names of those bloody films. Let's see, El Dorado, Trainspotting, Babe, and Seven, those are the best films i've seen in a while. At home i got stuff like: Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Apocalypse Now, Platoon, The Crow, a whole bunch of Asian films.
Those Asian films are great. Most of them are ludicrous, but extremely funny. Plus the added extreme violence always help. I've been watching Anime for a long time. First one i ever saw was Akira, though i haven't seen it since. I like the tackyness of these movies, kind of like 1940-50s Hollywood sci-fi flics.
I started masturbating when i was twelve, about the same time i started sleeping with my brother. Actually, we fucked coz he caught me masturbating. Eh. This is something i love doing. Sometimes it's better than sex. Certainly can last longer. I once masturbated for two hours, before having my first orgasm, though usually i just do it to relieve tension. Can you believe there are idiots out there who've never rubbed themselves in one way or another?
I masturbate almost every night. I've heard of gyrlz who do it three times a night, but i guess they're still virgins. I'm no virgin, so masturbating alot takes away from the joy of sex. My routine's quite simple. I start by laying in bed, usually naked, coz clothes are quite annoying. Most of the time i have no set goal, but sometimes i dream about some gyrl i saw at work or on the street, occasionally Syl, but it fucking hard to masturbate when you think about your lover. I like imagining that i'm in bed with TANKGyrl, and were massaging each other with our tongues, and i'm really tense and i neeeed it baad. So i start masturbating, usually with a hand in each orifice. Usually i'll keep dreaming till i climax. I've actually cum twice doing this, hitting the mysterious G-Spot, if it exists.
Sometimes when i have sex with Syl, she passes out, coz she's too fucking stoned to remain here, so i start masturbating against her. It something to do. Andi calls it a mild form of necrophilia, but i don't, i just think he wishes i'd sleep with him. Listen, i've just turned myself on, so i've got to go check if Syl wants me, if not...
23. A Sea To Suffer In
"I'll suffer in your sea
Your ocean bleeds into me
I'll fall through your endless sky
But never, ever cry
Wounded by your cruelty
Yes, I'll suffer in your sea
My Dying Bride (A Sea to Suffer in)
I know this subject is controversial, so i'll talk about it. Know you this, these are my opinions. And i'm free to say them, even if you believe that i am wrong. Thank you for listening.
You know i always wanted to say that shit. Can you believe suicide is such a hot topic, hotter even then homosexuality. Though i think i can understand why. I've lost a couple of friends to suicide, and it always hurts. But i still believe suicide is an acceptable way out. And i'm not alone. Andi believe in what i have to say and so does Syl, well when she ain't completely wasted.
I've been to the point a couple of times. Especially after my first gyrlfriend, Simone, died in a car crash. I tried two dozen times in less then a month, but each time i stopped before i could get away with it. Once i even tried to hang myself, i floated there for nearly two minutes, but it felt like eternity, till i broke loose and fell to the floor. My mind floated with agony, and i hated myself for fighting it so much. But i realize today, that if i had died there that maybe this would have never been written.
Listen, if you kill yourself good. Just be fucking sure about what you're doing. Don't do it to get back at someone, don't fucking do it coz you hate your parents, don't do it coz life is fuck, do it coz if you don't...i don't know do it coz you're dying, euthanize yourself.
People are going to say that this could be taken in hundreds of ways. Yep.
People are going to say that i'm promoting suicide. Nope. People are going to say that i want suffering to end. Nope. I like suffering, suffering creates art. And art is life. I'm going around in circles. But listen suicide isn't fun, it's a fact of life. Use it, don't abuse it.
24. Free Sex, XXX, Available Over The Counter For Cheap, Cheap Prices. Offer Good Everywhere. Void Outside Of The Netherlands.
Last night, me and Syl we went out to rent some movies. Now everytime we do this, we always get at least one porno. But last night we did something different, we only got porn. Actually, she dished out cash, for stuff that she ordered from the Netherlands. To those who don't know where that is, it's Holland, you know Amsterdam is a city in. Yeah so, she acquired these films from her best dealer. I wouldn't trust this guy with my life, but she does. She's never got anything bad from him yet, but she's only been buying shit off him for two years.
The movies she got were illegal in most of the world, so i knew they where good. I have no idea how much she paid, but i have a feeling, that she won't be paying rent for a decade. But i don't care. She got four movies. Two of them were lesbian flics, the other a bi thing, and the last was a gay picture.
The first is a dyke picture. It had two butches dominating a gang of housewives. This is something i love to watch. Of course all the movies weren't in english, so i have no fucking idea what the hell they were saying. And my Dutch ain't so good. So these two big dykes order those weak slave housewives. They get into all the usual sexual actions that every porn gets into. Strangest of all was a violent SM scene. Where one of the Dykes, rapes a housewife with baseball bat. It so fucking cool.
The other dyke movie, had more SM, type scenes, including a dyke rape, and i think a few of the gyrlz were under 18. One thing they were sure young, not 12, still older then kids, but their faces were still young.
The bisexual picture was actually an orgy. In one scene their were at least 20 people on the screen. I'm not a big fan of orgies, though i've attended one or two. Problem was this movie's mostly straight, coz the 'lesbians' were too Americanized. All of them except for one, who was gorgeous. One hell of a dyke, a lean muscular Nordic chick. She has a shaved head, and you know she had the dyke attitude. One thing i liked about the orgy was the gay fucking scene, three guys and one housewife. The guys all wanted each other and nothing to do with her, so they have sex and she tries to get in on the action. So the housewife starts licking their asses, one of the guys ass is dirty with shit, so it becomes a scat scene.
The fag movie was a harsh Satanic SM movie. In it, a bunch of naked Satanist try to summon daemons for sexual satisfaction. Each of the Satyrs is more malevolent then the first. At the end, the last occultist gets to fuck Satan himself, problem is that Satan's got a 13 inch dong...
25. SM, Wellkum 2 D World Of Sectual Man-ee-pulate-on
I love SM. It's so cool. Only in SM can you become something that you are not. With Syl, we sometimes engage in SM play. She usually becomes the dominatrix, whilst i'll be her slave. There's a kick in being submissive occasionally. Kind've like the way men are submissive with me. Except they're totally, unwillingly humiliated, while i do it with Syl coz i want to.
I guess, somewhere in the back of my mind i want to be an eternal slave. I'm already a slave to my stunning looks.
You're going to accept my apology on the crappiness of my writing right now, but i'm hot and humid, and it ain't sexual. It's about 100ø outside 120ø with the humidity. And if it turns anyone on, i'm sitting at the computer almost naked, all i'm wearing are my Pfunck pants. And they're stuck to my body. My apartment doesn't have an air conditioner, but we do have this marvellous computer. But computers produce heat, and so do i. So i'm boiling.
Great night for sex, but Syl ain't home. She's out with the punk boy, strangely enough their names are quite close, his is Sylvain, but i call him Vein. For obvious reasons, of course. You know some people think i call him Vain. Ugh people!
I NEED CUNT! or at least a finger, or if i can't find anything useful i guess a cock'll do, but i'd still prefer a cunt. You might of noticed that i'm quite vulgar. Good. I mean it's good to be vulgar at times, at least people kind of know what your talking about. If, when you're pissed, you say fudge instead of fuck, then everyone is going to know that you are an anal retentive wuss. I don't think it's sexist of me to call a gyrl a cunt, as long as i'm able to call men cocks. But let's not get into sexism. Coz any of you who are sexist sensitive probably never got to this point of the text anyway, unless you're a fucking surfer. Loser.
Welcome to the fucked up world of sexual MANipulation. Do you notice that power words are very masculine, while weaker words are feminine. Something really wrong in society if this is happening. Ever notice that a man's name is the first proper name in the dictionary (Aaron) & the last name (Ulrich Zwingli). That does it, dictionaries are a man's tool to deface womyn.
Do you think i'd be a good feminist now?
Don't worry, i haven't changed sides yet, i haven't become a, as Andi says, a het-boy. We all know that us gyrlz are just letting men into believing they have control, and when they get to macho, we flail our cunts at them, and they slow down for a while.
SM : Submissive Males.
BD : Broken Dicks.
We salute you, oh Great Dyke in the sky!
26. Bàttèriès Not Includéd. Mäÿ Câûsê Impotence. Do Not Keep In The Reach Of Children. May Cause Vomiting And Genital Deformity
Well i'm finished. I've wrote about all i could in the last couple of weeks. But i don't really feel like you're important enough to continue for. Well not right fucking now. Anyway my holidays are coming to a close. I'm glad that you've decided to be bloody interested by what i have to say, it so cool, that you norms would actually want to know about a dyke like me. From Syl and I, we now say one final thing. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR APARTMENT, BEFORE WE CALL THE FUCKING PIGS TO DRAG YOUR FUCKING ASS FOR US." Though it's not like i couldn't do it myself.
I hope that all the gyrlz out there who've read this take some inspiration in it to dominate men for our personal use. And you guys out there, ignore what i just said, and take heed, that i'm now a resident of Montreal, but i still travel sometimes, so i can find your womyn bashing asses, and stick scary looking things into the hole of your penis.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
P.S. TANKGyrl, if you're out there I love you.
END
Kristina Weisman
aka Sterben von Todsleben, amoung others...